Nehemiah: God's Broker Part 6

Three months had passed since Nehemiah's learning of the present conditions in Jerusalem. Time would provide no healing balm in this case, for it was a wound inflicted from above. The man functioned in his duties with the precision for which he was noted. But, the heart roamed restlessly in other fields, seeking some blessed resolution. Those with whom he had regular contact sensed the quietness of unseen engagement. His prophetic eyes constantly scanned the horizon trying to catch a glimpse of a stirring in the heavens, an indication of a response to his daily entreaty. Then it came.

The queen often sat at the king's side, especially when diplomacy was better served by her presence. Today Nehemiah could feel her gaze return to him time and again. He stood in his usual position, alert to the king's slightest indication of desiring his attendance. A large entourage of dignitaries was making its way ceremoniously out of the throne room. The queen had taken this moment to lean over and speak to the king in hushed tones. Looking up from her, he immediately turned towards Nehemiah. In less time than the eye can measure, the cupbearer was moving towards his charge in complete attentiveness.

“Nehemiah….you don't look sick, but your heart is somewhere else; a woman's intuition has sniffed out the presence of sorrow. So, tell us cupbearer, is her discernment up to its usual level of infallibility?”

The suddenness of this full frontal approach disarmed any finesse that Nehemiah might have esteemed appropriate for this moment. Rather, it all came out in a passion of detail and emotion. The regal ears and eyes gave undivided attention in that captivating atmosphere that unheralded historic moments create. The response to the long labored-over passion was instant.

“What do you want?” No hesitation preceded the king's inquiry.

Nehemiah was aware of a winged prayer sent heaven-ward from the heart. The richness of Sincerity more than compensated for Brevity's scantiness.

Nehemiah's answer arose to the level of directness initiated by the king: “I want to go to Jerusalem and rebuild the walls of my fathers' city.”

No raised eyes, no flinch. “When will you be back?”

It has occurred to me that this is a dynamic exchange set before our eyes, preserved by whoever is chairing the History Department at Celestial U. This was not some Persian pre-cursor to Jeopardy (though he was most definitely in position to give an authoritative definition to the word) where Nehemiah spun and won. Rather, the decisive moment when a man's life was defined by eternal elements. It wasn't as much the question:

“What do you want?” as it was the honesty to look the answer in the face, and allow it to erupt from heart to lips in a manner that sealed a destiny.

I have mused over the possibility of this scenario playing out in my life. One shot…what should I go for?? At first I wandered through the genie-in-the-lamp-three-wish deal. “My first wish is that I can have all the wishes I want, not just three.” Read the fine print. Those don't count.

“Lord I want to be forever close to you”, “I just want to do your will in everything” “Let me be a perfect vessel for your use” etc. etc. (Do angels make sounds when they throw up?)

No. When God picks the moment to look you in the face and ask “What do you want?”, He means what do YOU want; not, what do you think I want you to want. To answer that question fully and honestly, we must look at the deepest joy of our hearts. Our hidden dream. It is tender and precious; we strive to keep it protected from the voracious appetite of disillusion that stalks all the highways and byways of earthly existence. So intently that we ourselves rarely catch sight of it. For to gaze upon and acknowledge this creature as our own brings a barrage of shattering blows to our carefully cultivated corner of life. The cocoon will most certainly be ripped from stem to stern. So………

What do you want?